


The Healing Process

by Fishyz9



Category: Grey's Anatomy
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-02
Updated: 2019-06-02
Packaged: 2020-04-06 15:37:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,457
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19065544
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fishyz9/pseuds/Fishyz9
Summary: Nico sowly lets Levi back into his life while muddling through his complicated feelings following the loss of his patient.





	The Healing Process

**Author's Note:**

> This follows "Thirty Seconds" but can also be read as a stand alone.

The first thing I’d do as soon as I was on break or off shift would be to check my phone. That’s how it started, that’s how he slowly made his way back to me. Just a few, thankful messages.

**_Nico_ ** _: Thank you the lasagne._

_You are most welcome x_

A few days later, after swapping out the empty Tupperware dish in his locker for a full one…

**_Nico_ ** _: Still taking care of me. The casserole was delicious._

_You are mine to take care of x_

And then…

**_Nico_ ** _: What did I do to deserve you? You really outdid yourself with the cannoli._

_I love cooking for my man._

**_Nico_ ** _: You still call me your man after all this_

_You’ll always be mine. Deal with it x_

**_Nico_ ** _: What you making next?_

_What would you like?_

**_Nico_ ** _: Anything, but make enough for two._

Everyone is different. The healing process, I’ve discovered, is different for everyone. For Nico it was food and Jesus H _Christ_ a lot of sex.

The first time I returned to his apartment was a moment for me. I’d missed that apartment; I’d missed feeling like I belonged there, like I belonged to him. I brought brisket, and after enjoying the quiet, comfortable meal together I’d fully expected to either be offered a coffee to enjoy his company for a little while longer, or to take my leave – afraid of pushing for too much too soon. What in fact happened was…lovely. It was so, so lovely.

oOo

I know I’m filling the apartment with my chatter, somehow sensing that this is a comfort to Nico, but I’m also simultaneously enjoying the shape of his shoulders and how they move as he stands with his back to me at the kitchen sink, washing the dishes. The look in his eyes when he turns to look at me, wiping his hands dry on a kitchen towel is one of quiet fondness.

“So…” I draw out, my fingers tapping against the kitchen table. “It’s getting kind of late; if I’m going to make a move I should probably do it soon.”

I hope that sounded as casual as I was aiming for, but judging by the small smirk on his lips I somehow doubt I’m as off-the-cuff as I was hoping for. I bite my lip, tilt my head slightly. “It’s totally fine if you need me to take off. I _will_ have to steal a kiss before I go though…”

He laughs quietly, dropping the dishtowel on the counter and causally taking my hand in his as he strides past, pulling me up onto my feet and giving me no choice but to follow him.

“This feels promising.” I say, only a little nervous as I follow him to the bedroom.

I’m almost unnerved by his quiet demeanour. His kiss is so soft that when he pulls away it takes me a second to realise, my eyes slowly blinking open. The look in his eyes is serious and he nuzzles close, his hand feather light against my jaw, his nose brushing against mine.

When he begins to undress me I try to do the same to him, but his hands gently push mine away. He’s unwrapping me like a gift and savouring every second. It’s unnerving in a new, exhilarating way, sending my pulse racing. He walks me back towards the bed and encourages me to lie down, divesting me of the rest of my clothing. When he stands at the edge of the bed his eyes don’t leave mine as he shrugs out of his own clothing, and I’m pretty sure I look like a deer caught in headlights.

When he crawls over me he’s quick to captures my lips in a deep kiss and lays his body against mine, rocking against me. My breath escapes me, and when we make love, that’s exactly what it is. It’s an admission of love, pure and simple.

Save for our ragged breathing there’s not another sounds to be heard as this slow intensity builds between us. Uncharacteristically, I feel almost unsure of what to do with my hands, as if it were my first time with him all over again. When I gasp out his name, nothing more than a breathless whimper really, he raises up onto his forearms, his head handing low, dark eyes watching me as his hips grind against me. His body bows and arches in way that is breathtakingly sexy, his length pressing into me even deeper than before.

“This ok?” He asks breathless, husky.

I let out a disbelieving half gasp; half laugh and nod my head, wetting my lip. My hands lead an unsteady trail up his arms, resting either side of his neck as I arch beneath him. To my mortification I feel the stinging of hot tears threaten, a lump forming in my throat.

“I’ve missed you so much.” I try to say, my voice catching.

“ _Levi_.” His lips crash down onto mine and his hips pick up a frantic pace. He buries his face into the crook of my neck and I hang on, my hand fisting the hair at the back of his head as he rocks my body hard.

When he comes he lets out a guttural sound like a growl against my neck. His body shudders and I cling to him – to the slick boulders that are his shoulders, and despite his orgasm he carries on, continuing to press into me just enough to drag me through it with him.

He collapses against me and we lay there, breathless, sweaty, unwilling to move. Those tears which were threatening to fall previously are back and I have to swallow hard. My hand strokes over the back of his head and I hold him close like a precious thing.

“I don’t want to go,” I choke out, doing exactly what I promised myself I wouldn’t do. “Don’t ask me to leave.”

He lifts his head just enough to look down at me, his hand coming to rest against my flush cheek. “I’m not going to push you away again...” he tilts his head slightly, wets his lip. “Or I’ll try my best not to. You belong with me. We belong to each other, don’t we?”

I let out shuddering breath of relief and close my eyes, nodding my head.

“I love you.” He murmurs, pressing his lips to mine. “We’re together, we’re– _Shhh_ , honey.”

It’s then that I realise I have some healing to do myself.

oOo

What started as sweet reintroduction to one another soon became something else altogether, but I didn’t question it at the time, so relieved to simply be in his life again.  I tell myself we’re making up for lost time, that we were back on track and young virile men such as ourselves should be having an active sex life, but who was I kidding? This wasn’t fixed and Nico was clearly still working his way through his own personal nightmare, I was just at a loss as to where the line is drawn between supportive and enabling.

 Perhaps I’m even guilty of taking advantage. On call rooms, the back of his car, the bathroom at Joe’s…no place with a remotely flat surface is safe from us. Were the circumstances different I’d feel amused, smug, on cloud nine, but as it stands I’m worried that instead of moving past this traumatising experience I’m simply helping him to ignore it.

I just wish he wasn’t so goddamn irresistible. Perhaps if he wasn’t, I wouldn’t be bent over the hood of his Jeep in the dark parking garage of his apartment complex, trying my best to keep quiet and failing as Nico hikes my knee up higher, riding me from behind.

“What the hell are we doing?” I gasp, my hands sliding against cold metal.

His mouth is hot against the back of my neck and I feel his lips pull into a familiar smirk. “Having awesome sex?”

“In public.” My hand nearly slides out from beneath me and I quickly steady myself again. “Oh my god does this make me a slut?”

He huffs out a laugh behind me, slowing his motions slightly. “No one else is here–”

“Anyone could walk in here, any second.”

“And you’re not a slut.”

“I am _so_ a slut.”

“Want me to stop?”

“Don’t you dare.”

His hands grip my bare hips tighter, hiking my shirt up higher as he thrusts into me harder, his brow resting against the nape of my neck. “You’re so hot, _God_ you turn me on.”

I collapse onto my forearms, panting, but let out a gasp when the whirring or the garage doors at the other end of the complex comes to life and distant headlights slice through the shadows across the ground. Suddenly we’re scrambling, Nico being sure to cover my modesty first before setting himself straight and dragging me against a cement alcove. Those headlights pass us by and we both sag in relief, Nico’s hands suddenly either side of my neck as he presses his lips to my temple. He’s smiling, but there’s contrition in his voice.

“Okay, not my brightest idea.”

“I _am_ a slut.” I say breathlessly, gripping onto his forearms and letting my brow thunk against his shoulder.

“You’re _wild_.” He dips his head for a kiss which – _goddamn_ – I can’t help but return, but when his hands go back to my hastily zipped pants my hands fall over his, stopping him.

“Are you kidding me?”

Despite myself my eyes fall closed when his lips trail lingers kisses against my neck. “Come on…let’s have a little fun.”

“That wasn’t fun so much as heart attach-inducing.”

“Don’t worry…” his hand cups me and my breath escapes me. “I’m a doctor.”

My hand lands on his and suddenly enough is enough. “Ok, upstairs, now.”

He pulls back to look at me, looking scolded. “You sound mad. You’re mad? I’m sorry…”

“No, I…” I break off with a sigh. “Come on, upstairs.” I say with a brief, sweet kiss to reassure him before dragging him up to his apartment where there are walls and privacy. “We need to talk.”

Despite my reassurance he watches me carefully as we shuck off our coats. “You sure you’re not mad? I guess it was kind of dumb to–”

“I was very much a willing participant, I’m not mad, I’m just…I don’t know, worried?”

He frowns at me and empties his pockets of his phone and keys, placing them on the counter. “Worried about what?”

I can’t help but gnaw on my lip. “Worried that you’re using sex as a diversionary tactic so that you don’t have to think about…you know.”

He looks away quickly and I know instantly that I’m right. “I’m not going to make you talk about it,” I’m quick to reassure him. “If you never want to talk about it then that is fine with me, I just want to make sure that I’m not making it harder for you, that I’m not…”

“Enabling me?”

I wince, nodding my head just ever so slightly.

“I guess that’s fair.” He admits with a slight flush, rubbing at the back of his neck uncomfortably. He gives me a quick, troubled glance. “You don’t think I’m using you, do you?”

“What?” I shake my head, offering him a soft smile. “Nico, no…”

“Because I wouldn’t do that, I just…really like having sex with you.”

I let out a soft laugh, stepping forward to circles my arms around his waist. “I really like having sex with you too. I just need to do a little welfare check here.” I give him a gentle squeeze. “I need to know that I’m not being opportunistic or advantageous while you’re working through something.”

He frowns slightly at that, and it’s the cute little frown he usually gets when I confuse him with sci-fi trivia. “Explain, please?”

I feel myself flush. “The sex is good. _So_ good that I’m worried that you might need a little more from me emotionally but I’m too busy having the time of my life with your amazing body and libido.”

He huffs out a laugh, his arms circling around my shoulders loosely as he rests his cheek against the top of my head. “I love you.” He says softly, a smile in his voice.

“So…” I draw out. “That’s not the case?”

“No. You are not taking advantage of my conflicted, complicated guilt to get closer to my dick, Levi.”

I look up at him, and I close my eyes when he presses a kiss to the tip of my nose. “Sure?”

His smile fades slightly, his expression slightly more serious as he lifts his hand to brush his thumb against my cheek. “Ok, cards on the table?”

I nod.

“Right now the only time I feel like me is when I’m with you. All I want right now is you, as close and as intimate as humanly possible.” He shrugs. “That’s the best I can explain it, that’s all I can give you right now.”

“Ok,” I whisper, and swallow hard. “That’s enough for me. As long as you’re ok then I’m ok, and when – _if_ you need more from me, you have it, alright? I’m here. I’m all in. Anything you need.”

He touches his brow to mine, swaying us slightly. “You’re my guy, you know that?” He murmurs. “You are so my guy.”

I feel my brow crease in a sad frown and lift onto my toes to kiss him. “I love it when you say things like that.”

He hums softly. “Levi?” He presses a soft, lingering kiss to my lips.

“Yeah?” My hands fist into his shirt and I lean up to steal just one more kiss.

“Would you like to go to bed for some nice, boring sleep?”

My eyes instantly close and I let my brow plonk down against his shoulder. “Oh god, yes please.”

He tips his head back and practically cackles. I laugh with him. “I mean I worship your body and having sex with you is like my favourite thing in the whole world, but in order to do it halfway decently and as regularly I need to recharge.”

He taps my butt softly and pushes me back a step, encouraging me towards the bedroom. “Let’s go recharge.”

Oddly enough, that’s what this conversation feels like: a recharge. I know he’s not yet where he needs to be in his head, but he’s now a step closer, he’s getting there and he _will_ heal, but in his own way and in his own time with me shadowing him every step of the way.

 

 

 


End file.
